I’m no quitter. I AM NO QUITTER.

“Never quit.

Never stop.”

“Quit shouldn’t be in your vocabulary.”

“As long as you keep going…”

“Even if you fall on your face you’re moving forward”

“Rehab is for quitters!”

 

 

 

 

Quitters never win, and winners never quit – Vince Lombardi

… (well, maybe for a football game)

We have an ethos in America of quitting is bad. Quitting is weak. Quitting is for losers.

We preach…

“One step at a time.”

“Life is not a sprint.”

“Keep grinding.”

And don’t get me wrong, Grit, Grind, and Persistence are critical for achievement and success. 

But… there’s also a time to quit, and for good reasons.

Hurricane Ida just devastated parts of South Louisiana.  And when this happens there are always news broadcasts showing reporters standing in front of a devastated neighborhoods asking residents, “what will you do?” Most say, “we’ll rebuild”.

But others resident are done.  They’re calling it quits.

When to grind on and when to quit are deeply personal decisions, and people can choose different paths, and both can be healthy, and we can respect and support both positions.

But there is a time to quit, and there are clear benefits to quitting.

Quitting for Winners – 6 Reasons to Quit

• To pursue other better opportunities. 

  • You can’t do it all!  And you can’t do it all all of the time.
  • Time and money are limited. You may have to quit spending time and money in one area to reallocate to another area.

• When the Return On Investment (ROI) is sufficiently low

  • It’s a good idea, but it’s not working out. 
  • Maybe it’s more of a hobby than career
  • You’re spending a lot of your resources but reaping very little reward.

• When it’s harmful

  • While life is a marathon, when would a marathoner quit running?  Why?  Because it’s running is now causing too much damage. 
    • Come back and fight another day
  • When it’s life threatening, like addiction,  substance use disorders, abusive relationships, jeopardizing health and relationships. 
    • Yes, rehab is for quitters, for life-saving reasons

• What you’re doing is counterproductive to your (preferred) quality of life

  • COVID lock-down requirements forced us to quit doing activities we were so busy doing.  And many people enjoyed the break.
  • Many got to spend more time as families. Eating together. Cooking more. Naps. Better sleep. Free time.  Etcetera 

• It’s inconsistent with your (new) values

  • Something has changed in your world view. Your life philosophy. You’ve grown, changed, and evolved in some way. You’ve realized something. You can’t keep doing that thing anymore in that way. And you can’t go back.

• It’s a toxic relationship 

  • Client or customer
  • Coworker, boss, or employee
  • Family member 
    • Jimmy V – “Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up,” Is generally a good rule for family relationships. But even toxic family relationships need major distance at times. 

Ok Dr. Matt, so how does this apply to marriage? The most sacred bond.  Should we quit marriage also? 

Quitting and Marriage

Let’s walk thru the list.

• To pursue other better opportunities. 

  • No, this is generally a bad reason to quit on your marriage.  One relationship at time.

• When the ROI is sufficiently low

  • Another bad idea when applied to marriage.
  • Though people often wonder if we got a good deal in the marriage to our partner, relationships shouldn’t be transactional in this way.

• When it’s a harmful, abusive, and toxic relationship.   

  • Try to get professional help first, likely couples and individual counseling. Disclose the abuse to a few close friends. Get some counsel. And there’s a time to cut and run. Get out.

• It’s counterproductive to your (preferred) quality of life

  • When this concept is applied to relationships, especially marriage, it sounds overly egocentric. 

• It’s inconsistent with your (new) values

  • This does happen at times. Reaffirmation or religious awakening. Life goals. Deciding to be a parent. Big philosophical decisions sometimes become really practical and insurmountable problems for couples.  

So what do you need to quit?  If you’ve been grinding and getting no where, perhaps it’s time to hang it up.  Quitting is sometimes for winners.  

How will you invest your resources in and for your relationships?