“Few of us ever live in the present. We are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone.”
― Louis L’Amour
If you’re like a lot of folks, you sometimes find yourself caught up in ruminations about the past or worries about the future. It’s natural, and not always inappropriate (if, for instance, you’re about to skydive for the first time, a little worry makes sense!). But when nagging thoughts of past events, or overwhelming worries about the future take over, they can leave us struggling to stay focused on the task at hand or even get through the day. Well-meaning friends and loved ones might try to help by saying, “That’s in the past, forget about it!” or “Stop worrying, what’s the worst that can happen?” While there might be an element of truth to these statements, I’d bet that if there was some switch in your brain you could flip to turn off the thoughts, you probably would have done it already.
It is possible, though, to gain control of these thoughts and allow yourself to live with more joy. Mindfulness is one way to help achieve this. The American Psychological Association defines mindfulness as “awareness of one’s internal states and
surroundings.” To put it simply, mindfulness is about being in the present moment, the only place and time you ever actually occupy anyway. Mindfulness begins from a place of self-compassion. Instead of judging your negative thoughts, mindfulness helps you understand them. For example, instead of anxiously imagining worst-case scenarios for a future work presentation, mindfulness can help you pause to wonder why these worries are present at all. Maybe they’re arising from a feeling of ill-preparedness. This awareness can lead you to remedy the negative feelings: a quick review of your talking points or another few minutes of rehearsal.
This practice is also useful in your relationship. Past hurts can often cause a rupture. Pausing to pay attention and gain “awareness of [your] internal states” can give you greater clarity on how the hurt is still affecting you and your partner.
While there are countless mindfulness practices, here are several to begin with:
- Focusing on your breath: Simply pause what you are doing, perhaps close your eyes, and breathe. When thoughts come up, just gently turn your attention back to your breath, feeling the air move in and out of your nostrils or your mouth. Spend a minute or two doing this.
- A mindful walk: Take a walk outside and focus on your steps. Feel the sensation of each foot pressing into the pavement, the rhythmic nature of your movement. In almost the same way as the breathing exercise, whenever thoughts arise, simply turn your attention back to your feet.
- 5-4-3-2-1: This one is especially helpful if you find yourself distracted by negative thoughts. You simply set aside whatever you’re doing and acknowledge the following: 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
After spending a few minutes with one of these exercises, take note of what you’re feeling physically and emotionally. You might choose to write some thoughts down or just acknowledge what it feels like.
Mindfulness practices are a great way to reduce ruminations and worries, and to gain greater clarity about your feelings. If you’d like to explore any of this further to see how it can benefit you, therapy is a great place to do that. Give us a call and we can discuss how to get you started.
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