Stuck in a relationship RUT?

Stuck?  Need a relationship tow truck?  Try these ideas.

Get information

Try to describe, in as much detail as possible, what’s bothering you about the relationship or situation.  Discuss it with your partner or a trusted friend.  Try to answer, “how did we get into this rut?”  and “what else might be keeping us in this rut?”  Gathering information is often a good place to start.

Try IT: Write an email to yourself describing the relationship problem in as much detail as possible.  In 12 hours, re-read your email, edit it, and add further details.  Consider sharing it with your partner.

Check your resources

A resource is anything that might help us in a sticky situation.  MacGyver (look it up) was an expert in using resources.  Your family and friends might be resources of support and wisdom.  Books, magazines, blogs and websites may be resources of information.  Your faith or spiritual practices may be resources of peace and blessing.  The kids around you might be resources fun and laughter.

The key is to USE YOUR RESOURCES.  You never know how something new may shake loose.

Try IT: Listen to music in your music library about relationships or watch a movie dealing with relationships.  Listen or look for a new relationship resource (Meet me in New Mexico by Anders Osborne is great).

Check your thoughts

Carry a notepad, or use your smart phone’s voice recorder to jot down automatic thoughts that you are thinking about your relationship.   Then ask yourself, “to what extent is this thought absolutely true?”  If it’s not, replace it with a more realistic thought.  For instance, if you’re ruminating on “this is never going to work,” pretty soon you’ll feel pretty crappy.  Conversely if you’re regularly thinking “I can do this.  I can make this work,” you will probably begin to feel empowered.  The stuff rattling around our minds quickly begins to affect our hearts.

Try IT: Try to notice one thought that you’re currently thinking about your relationship that begins with “must” or “should.”  Try and replace the thought with something more realistic.

Try something new

After all of the above, try something new… almost anything.  If you don’t go on walks together, take a walk.  If you talk to each other a lot, take a break.  If you always do something, change the routine.  Try to find something new to get out of the rut.  If you still need help, call me.


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