When I was a kid my mom was well known in our town. She was a local professor and published a weekly article in the newspaper. Often when we were in public together, most frequently at the grocery store, people would stop and chat with her for a moment. Sure, this made the grocery run longer, but it also established my mom, and vis-a-vis me, as part of a larger community of familiar faces. These are not people with whom I was personally acquainted, but they were familiar. Overtime, we recognized each other as part of each other’s community. 
Driving home from the gym this morning I saw two familiar faces. There’s a lady that walks her dog down the sidewalk at 7:40 each morning. I don’t know her name but I recognize her and her dog. There’s the older guy standing on the corner holding a sign and telling everyone, “Good Morning!”. They are familiar faces, and familiar faces help us feel at home, grounded into a community. Though I don’t know these people personally, their familiarity is an important sign that I’m in the right place; this is where I belong.
During the pandemic, one thing we all missed was seeing these familiar faces; people that aren’t quite friends, not even really acquaintances, but definitely not strangers. These faces occupy an important place between unknown and known, what some social scientists call “weak ties”, for helping us feel a part of an established community. It’s why it was so meaningful to me during the pandemic to see the regular walkers in my neighborhood. It’s not that I really knew them, but they were a sign that I was in the right place.
These familiar faces become the bedrock for community, upon which we build acquaintances, neighborhoods, friendship, kin, and family. Most of these faces stay simply “familiar”, but some migrate up the community structure to acquaintance. And my parents were good at doing that process in their community, and they taught me to do the same. My mom was friendly, she greeted people, and she was nice. She encouraged me to learn to greet people and exchange pleasantries. And soon, these strangers were familiar, and some were acquaintances.
I still try to do this and be this. Good community is part of good mental health. And I try to teach it to my kids. We know the name of the aforementioned guy on the corner, because we’ve chatted with him many times at the red light. My kids now have their own catalogs of familiar faces; people they recognize walking back and forth to school, friends’ parents, or people they’ve met at after-school jobs. And in doing so, we’re building, solidifying, and contributing to our communities. We’re familiar faces for others. You can do it too. Smile when you see someone. Acknowledge their presence. Say hello when appropriate. For repetitive interactions, introduce yourself, as familiar faces become acquaintances. And if you have them, teach your kids to do the same. Turning strangers into acquaintances helps everyone feel more at home, in the right place, and more at peace.
Need help building your community? Let’s chat about it.
Matt Morris, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S
Helping Relationships
drmattmorris.com
433 Metairie Rd, Ste 401, 70005
