Technology impacts our families. From automobiles to dishwashers, from microwaves to DirectTV, from AOL to iPads, all of our really cool technological advances have had some affect on our families. And in this month’s series, I’ve been considering this impact be discussion the 
following topics:
- Teen Girls and Smartphones – a Love/Hate Relationship
- Beyond Sexting in Intimate Relationships
- iPads and Toddlers – How much is too much?
- I even did a previous series on my family’s 1-month TV fast (results here).
And for this post, I’ll consider how many people still feel very lonely even though we have so many ways to connect.
Alone Together is a wonderfully titled book by MIT professor and Sherry Turkle reminds us that despite our best technological advances, many of us still feel very much alone even in our most intimate relationships. We end up alone, together. Rather than feeling connected, valued, and satisfied, many in our technology-saturated society feel disconnected and lonely. How can that be with so many ways to connect? Maybe the answer lies somewhere near the idea that we use technology to connect more often, at a more superficial level, and with more superficial “friends,” and in doing so, we miss out on the deeper, more authentic connections with our closest friends and family – our spouse, our kids, our parents, and our siblings. Maybe all this connective technology is actually providing us with a way to not connect with whom we’re most intimate, while facilitating a pseudo-connection with those we’ve never met – a plethora of online facades and aliases. Maybe our connective technology allows us to convieniently trade the real for the not real, leaving many people lonely and dissatisfied.
In my private counseling practice, I regularly see couples struggling to connect. I often see how they’ve replaced genuine connection with the busyness of life – in a sense they’re slowing turning away from each other and turning toward other stuff, and other less significant relationships. They’re not bad people or unloving spouses, it’s often that they’ve simply gotten into the habit, as preeminent couple’s therapist Susan Johnson puts it, of turning away from each other rather than turning towards.
Remember, in our most dear relationships, we always have the choice to connect or disconnect.
So, how is your use of technology impeding your connection with those you love most? How do you use your smartphone, iPad, Twitter feed, or Facebook page to turn away from your family and isolate yourself online? How does technology allow you to not be present with those in your presence? And what’s the impact of this disconnection on your relationships? Right now, text your spouse to find out… or better yet, ask them.
